D is for depravity

I recently received some back copies of Vice magazine, kindly sent to me by Vice magazine, because I might write something for them. I had never previously read Vice magazine, and although I had heard of it, I had somehow imagined it to be called Vise magazine (as in, “we really know how to grip our public”).

Youthful readers! As you apparently know already, Vice magazine is actually full of pictures of naked girls doing some crazy stuff.  Naked girls in the 2008 fiction issue alone included, but were not limited to: a naked girl running through a supermarket aisle; a naked girl doing cartwheels around a bonfire; and an otherwise-naked girl wearing pasties and a thong made out of pizza. (Apparently it was the model’s own pizza.)

To learn more about Vice magazine, I consulted the Internet, which is famous for its sober and balanced treatment of controversial subjects. There I found the recent Vice magazine interview with Brazilian sculptor Zé Carlos Garcia, who reconstructs pig heads to resemble human faces:

Q. And then you started to turn pigs’ heads into human heads. Do you have any experiences in plastic surgery? It’s completely different to work with flesh, isn’t it?

A. Yes, but as I said, I did sculptures all my life. Also I just love animals, so that wasn’t a big problem.

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Sculpture by Zé Carlos Garcia Photo by Jamie Taete

Clearly I am super-excited to maybe write for this publication, what with depravity practically being my middle name and all—but to be searingly, revelatorily honest, there is actually an overdue book review I really have to finish before I start anything new. So I shook off the miasma of turpitude and installed myself at the dining table with a draft outline and a delicious, hydrating glass of water (I’m battling a diet Coke addiction).  Things were proceeding, I thought, in a highly seemly and upright manner, when I happened to glance up and was confronted by a tableau of total decadence, which I hastened to capture on video, thus finally joining the worthy demographic of people who make videos of their cats and post them on the Internet (I feel there might be some overlap with the diet Coke addicts):

Well OK dear readers, now I’m off to exercise some ceaseless moral vigilance… otherwise the next thing you know Friday and I will be running around the apartment wearing pumpkin-pie bikinis and making sandals out of chicken feet.

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3 Responses to “D is for depravity”

  1. Tara Says:

    Oh Depravity-list writer, my cat Henri does this all the time. Little did I know this behavior was a mark of decadence. Go her.

    And beware! I foresee an influx of very interesting young hipster readers for this blog. Now that you’ve linked Vice like, five times.

  2. Tara Says:

    P.S. I didn’t mean to imply anything about young hipster readers. Moreover, watch out for comment spam. Considering all the naked girls, etc. Anyway … cats!

  3. Online Book Store and News - Elif Batuman Takes the Bench Says:

    [...] This week, we are extremely happy to welcome Elif Batuman as a guest blogger on The Book Bench. Elif’s book, “The Possessed: Adventures with Russian Books and the People Who Read Them,” one chapter of which originated as a piece in The New Yorker, was released yesterday. Since it is a book all about books and fascinating literary subcultures, we thought that, in the process of writing it, Elif would have collected many tidbits that would be of interest to our readers. And her first post, about Pushkin and a sofa, I think proves us right. It helps, of course, that Elif is an old hand at blogging: she’s kept My Life and Thoughts, at elifbatuman.net, for the past few years. If you haven’t checked it out yet, you must: in addition to fine writing, it features a very cute video of her cat. [...]

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