D is for depravity
I recently received some back copies of Vice magazine, kindly sent to me by Vice magazine, because I might write something for them. I had never previously read Vice magazine, and although I had heard of it, I had somehow imagined it to be called Vise magazine (as in, “we really know how to grip our public”).
Youthful readers! As you apparently know already, Vice magazine is actually full of pictures of naked girls doing some crazy stuff. Naked girls in the 2008 fiction issue alone included, but were not limited to: a naked girl running through a supermarket aisle; a naked girl doing cartwheels around a bonfire; and an otherwise-naked girl wearing pasties and a thong made out of pizza. (Apparently it was the model’s own pizza.)
To learn more about Vice magazine, I consulted the Internet, which is famous for its sober and balanced treatment of controversial subjects. There I found the recent Vice magazine interview with Brazilian sculptor Zé Carlos Garcia, who reconstructs pig heads to resemble human faces:
Q. And then you started to turn pigs’ heads into human heads. Do you have any experiences in plastic surgery? It’s completely different to work with flesh, isn’t it?
A. Yes, but as I said, I did sculptures all my life. Also I just love animals, so that wasn’t a big problem.
|Sculpture by Zé Carlos Garcia||Photo by Jamie Taete|
Clearly I am super-excited to maybe write for this publication, what with depravity practically being my middle name and all—but to be searingly, revelatorily honest, there is actually an overdue book review I really have to finish before I start anything new. So I shook off the miasma of turpitude and installed myself at the dining table with a draft outline and a delicious, hydrating glass of water (I’m battling a diet Coke addiction). Things were proceeding, I thought, in a highly seemly and upright manner, when I happened to glance up and was confronted by a tableau of total decadence, which I hastened to capture on video, thus finally joining the worthy demographic of people who make videos of their cats and post them on the Internet (I feel there might be some overlap with the diet Coke addicts):
Well OK dear readers, now I’m off to exercise some ceaseless moral vigilance… otherwise the next thing you know Friday and I will be running around the apartment wearing pumpkin-pie bikinis and making sandals out of chicken feet.
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